King Henry VIII Grammar School

Gotcha! Thanks for that - making sense in my scrambled brain 110 it was, for King's house

Hello Beesman, Thanks for The Jenkins Confirmation (sounds like a Robert Ludlum novel title) and 'Wacky Races' memory. Of course, everyone remembers that it was broadcast on a Tuesday, with the result of the race being printed in Wednesday's edition of 'The Sporting Chronicle'. Right. How the heck did you dig that up from the archives? You've raised the bar there. Yes, the Anthill Mob at 6 to 1 must have been too good to miss. Penelope Pitstop was one of my first infatuations. What wasn't to adore about her? In addition, there was the added bonus that if you went with her for an evening at a country pub, she would be keen to do the driving. I am going to pass on trying to name all the other Kings House masters, because I'd be sure to make a fool of myself and that just isn't going to happen on here. However, maybe Bob Griffiths? Speak for yourself about never being mauled by the school leopard. I've still got the claw marks to prove it. It would prowl around the grounds, after dark, attacking unsuspecting boys who were trying to break into the tuck shop. During the day, the caretaker kept it chained up in the boiler room. Not a lot of people know that. Mister D-Di, You have destroyed the grudging respect that I have held for many years for Spud Murphy with your revelations. He was a mere lackey for Simon Jones, aka Doyle Lonnegan? (I saw The Sting, I know what goes on in the underworld of illicit gambling). Here was me thinking that Mr Murphy might have been one of the movers and shakers behind Paddy Power, or, at the very least, Bet365, but it turns out I was wrong, by some distance. Then Disorganised follows up this shocker with the information that he became a teacher of History at Woodlands School. Talk about Poacher turned Gamekeeper. Disorganised, I remember going to the Earlsdon Cottage, noted for having Animal on drums, when I went there. My strongest memory is of reaching chucking out time, one evening, with a full pint still remaining at our table. Not wishing it to go to waste, I disposed of the contents in several seconds. Placing the glass back on the table, my stomach immediately rejected the beer and I began to projectile vomit before I could get off the seat. Had this been recorded, it would have gone viral on YouTube. Definitely not my finest hour. I'm still waiting for that one.

I'm not sure when it occurred but Kings House held their Monday morning house assemblies in the Metalwork Room (not that I remember any metalwork ever taking place there) from at least 1967 when I started at the senior school. The Woodwork room was next door, presided over by Bert Stanger, who I believe along with 'Joe Soap' were the only two masters in my time who didn't hold university degrees. Bert was an affable sort and it was a great relief in about the 4th form to get the opportunity to do woodwork instead of art. The main reason being that I was fed up with being regularly cuffed around the head by 'Mr Soap' for not remembering the order of paint to make light blue! It was either blue and white or white and blue! I still can't remember and neither do I care!

Beesman, You provided 'The Jenkins Confirmation' and now you have resolved 'The Bert Conundrum' for me. I believe I was thinking of Bert Stanger when I fell into 'The Tomkins Confusion' because James Cooper referred to him as Bert 'Foghorn' Tomkins. Please tell me Bert Stanger had a moustache. Don't feel bad about lying, if you have to.

Greetings, As I feel that I am increasingly time travelling back to the late sixties - whilst being conscious of someone once observing that if you can remember them, then you weren't there - I shall complete my recent spate of reminiscences with this one. Having had the "Wacky Races" encounter, in which I saw the staggering odds of 10 to 1 on a Dick Dastardly win, I began to supplement my "Why?" questioning with "What are the chances of --?" This subsequently led me, in later years, towards a passing interest in probability theory and statistics. I was a member of the school cricket team around that time. Now, in those days, coaching and tactical strategies were fairly limited to non-existent. Surprisingly to me, however, prior to this particular match, the teacher offered one for our consideration. He said that if one of the opposition's batsmen was scoring slowly (whilst not defining what this meant) then we should avoid trying to get him out. As I have already mentioned, my role in these teams was extremely peripheral and, as usual, I was sent far away from the action, being told by the captain to field, I would guess, at deep square leg. The ball rarely arrived in my direction and so I generally spent an innings as a far away observer. From my position as observer, I could see that one of their batsmen was, indeed, scoring slowly, finding it difficult to penetrate our inner ring of fielders and playing a series of defensive strokes. His partner was having less trouble and was keeping the scoreboard ticking over. He was on strike, with the slow scorer at the bowler's end, and played a deft square cut, sending the ball in my direction. I fielded it near the boundary and so prevented a four and then, as is convention, hurled it towards the wicketkeeper. To my amazement, the ball bounced once and then, on the rise, struck a single stump, thus running out their slow scoring batsman. The words that went through my head were "What are the chances of --?" Their next batsman was a far more prolific scorer and we, subsequently, went on to lose the match. Had I dispatched their prolific batsmen, I would have been a hero with my throw. Instead, I had contravened the strategy with a very low probability occurrence. Nothing was said to me about it, but I did not receive any pats on the back for what was, after all, a pretty nifty piece of fielding, in my view. Such is fate, which is presumably the reason Rudyard Kipling advised that we treat the two imposters of triumph and disaster just the same. And which is why I blamed our wicket keeper.

I believe, if my memory serves me correctly, that Bert Stanger did in fact sport a small moustache!

Beesman, Thanks for that confirmation as to Bert Stanger's overmouth decoration. You might call it 'small'. He might have said "well groomed". I shall sleep soundly tonight, secure in the knowledge that my memory is holding up. Indeed, such that - wait for it - I've been looking back at some of the older posts. Not wanting to be pedantic, but here is an interesting thing for me. Post 103, made by Bryn Thomas, on 21st December 2012. He made reference to a history teacher, whose name he thought was Thompson or (my capitals) TOMLINSON. He was then corrected, as I was. I am going to take that as 2 for 'Tomlinson'. I mean "what are the chances of ---- two independent speculations on such an uncommon name?" May I suggest that "The Tomkins Confusion" is now back in an 'unresolved' state?

Hello Beesman, I was thinking that my reference to Robert Ludlum novel titles ought now to be properly extended into the film adaptations and subsequent series. Here is how I see it: 1) Was this history teacher called Tomkins or Tomlinson? 'The Tomkins Identity'. 2) There are more people suggesting Tomkins over Tomlinson. 'The Tomkins Supremacy'. 3) An irrevocable decision has to be made as to who is right and wrong. 'The Tomkins Ultimatum'. 4) The people who are judged to be incorrect leave the forum in a huff. 'The Tomkins Legacy'. Sorted!

Post from jinksy, dated 2nd July 2013 says "The history guy 'Foghorn' ----I thought I remembered his name as Tomlinson or Tomkinson--" 3 for Tomlinson. Oh, this is getting tense. I haven't been so nervous since awaiting the decision of the Russian linesman, back in the '66 World Cup Final, when Geoff Hurst's shot didn't go fully over the goal line. Hold on a second, I mean when it bounced down and went - er- yes- definitely-a goal that was-clearly. .

We definitely had Foghorn Tomkins for History in 1962/63

Likewise MR, Bert 'Foghorn' Tomkins taught History to my form circa1970.

Hello Gentlemen, Well, the Tomkins/Tomlinson dilemma has been bamboozling me, but I think I have finally arrived at a credible explanation. I recall that there was a Physics teacher called Mr Light. (I mean, what are the chances of ---?) Naturally enough, he was fascinated by the properties of light and, unbeknown to the school, he was conducting a series of experiments in the Physics Lab during the evenings. One night, he was slaving away, when, suddenly and amazingly, in front of his eyes, appeared a small wormhole into a parallel Universe. Meanwhile, on the other side of the building, Bryn Thomas, Jinksy and myself were running for our lives, being chased by the school leopard, after trying to break into the tuck shop. "Quick!" I shouted, "Let's hide in the Physics Lab." We burst through the door and, whilst an astonished Light looked on, we disappeared through the wormhole and entered a parallel Universe, where it so happened that a Mr Tomlinson taught history in a school not unlike Henrys. Fortunately, Light managed to bring us back, and the shock of journey erased all memories of our experience, bar one. Tomlinson. Tomlinson. Tomlinson. Phew! I'm glad I've solved that little puzzle for us all!

This talk about Geoff Courtois makes me feel so old, as he was a schoolboy in my time there - as was his older brother, Pete

This is definitely the last one for the time being! Having remembered Mr Light, for the purposes of my Incredible Journey, it brought to mind a positive experience. He once took the class on a day trip to London, during which we visited the Science Museum, I think the Imperial War Museum, as well, followed by Battersea Fun Fair and he then rounded it off by having us appreciate the panoramic view of London from the top of the Post Office Tower. In my memory, no pupil caused him any trouble that day, such that he felt the need to raise his voice and discipline us. To me, in was an enjoyable day, spent in the company of a mild mannered, affable, decent human being. I shall raise a glass to him this evening, in gratitude!

Will (fairy) Light was a thoroughly decent guy.