King Henry VIII Grammar School

The Weitzels are a clever family - all of them! I wish I could remember my teachers in LPA and UPA - we had Mrs Gates in Transition and Mr Kennedy in 1A "Gussy" Gaines was the headmaster - he died suddenly a couple of years after I'd moved into the Main School

Hi Midland Red, Hi all, LPA was Mr Adams. 1B was Mr Marshall. Mr Marshall is the adult to the right in the picture. I missed all of the first year in the main-school, as well as huge chunks of subsequent periods, being tutored by Mr Brotherwood, whilst confined to Paybody orthopaedic hospital in Allesley. Other members of staff occasionally came to Paybody, as did a state school teacher. In that picture, my socks are hiding a metal rod travelling down the back of my legs to my ankles, which is why I always had to wear built-up "galosh" shoes. I am second from left on front row.

Old Coventrian Spring 2015 Newsletter

What a fabulous read, Midland Red.

Here's some back issues: Christmas 2014 Summer 2014 Autumn 2013 Summer 2012

This is guaranteed to put you in the mood for the 2015 Rugby World Cup! In which Piggy and The Beak Talk Oval-Shaped Balls. Piggy has been called to The Beak's office. The Beak: "Sit down, Deputy. For the third time this week, I have just got back from the Cov and Warwick Hospital, where I have had to placate some fretting parents whose 'little precious' has suffered a rugby related injury. I'm spending so much time there this term that I have little left over to perform the more vital tasks required of my position. Indeed, it is getting to the point where I fear that, one day, I shall return from the Hospital only to discover that, in my absence, the school has gone Comprehensive." Piggy: "I think you're forgetting that I'm here to cover for you, Headmaster." The Beak: "I stand corrected. Secondary Modern." Piggy: "That is unfair, Headmaster. 'Secondary', perhaps; but 'Modern' - never." The Beak: "That's very reassuring to hear, Deputy. After yet another of our futile perambulations along Dead End Street, I shall return to my point. The playing of rugby gives rise to far too many injuries, for my liking. Take the boy Blinkinsop, for instance, whom I just visited. Do you know him?" Piggy: "I believe so, Headmaster. A weed and a swot?" The Beak: "Got him in one, Deputy, although I prefer the description 'academically gifted Oxbridge material'. What is certain is that he does not belong on a rugby field. He is, in appearance and essence, a large brain that is delicately balanced upon a sliver of balsa wood. What do you think?" Piggy: "Snap, Headmaster." The Beak: "Exactly. His natural habitat is in a Chemistry Lab, surrounded by distilling flasks and rubber tubing. Indeed, if I didn't know better, I'd go so far as to say that he must have been conceived in a test tube." Piggy: "Oh, good fun, Headmaster. Like that is ever going to happen." The Beak: "Let me be candid here, Deputy. I follow the official line that Rugby Union constitutes THE School Sport but, as far as I can discern, it is merely about fellows careering into each other for no greater purpose than to cause the maximum amount of pain. For example, when the referee blows his whistle to signal a penalty for an infringement of the rules, I have no idea why he has done so." Piggy: "You mean when he barks out such things as 'Going In At The Side'; 'Going Over The Top'; or 'Not Rolling Away'? The Beak: "Yes." Piggy: "Bluster and bluff, Headmaster. It's because the game is called 'Rugby Football', so he has decided that it is about time somebody kicked the blessed thing, rather than an opponent." The Beak: "Oh, right. Now I understand. Why wasn't I told about this before?" Piggy: "Need to know basis, Headmaster." The Beak: "So how did you find out?" Piggy: "I overheard Thunderguts McGawley furtively and secretively whispering about it to Geoff Courtois a few weeks ago, whilst I was standing at one end of the rugby pitch and they were at the other." The Beak: "Then if Rugby Union is merely about the business of chaps bashing each other up, then why is it supposedly played by Gentlemen?" Piggy: "It's because the participants blindly and unquestioningly accept the decisions of the person in authority, no matter how absurd and ridiculous he and his decisions might be." The Beak: "Ah,excellent! The modus operandi that constitutes the bedrock of this country's Public School education system - to which all good Grammar Schools should aspire!" Piggy: "If you say so, Headmaster." The Beak: "I didn't quite catch that, Deputy." Piggy: "Oh, absolutely, Headmaster." The Beak: "That's better. So, to clarify. Rugby Union. A sport that - in order to make sense - must only be played by Gentlemen." Piggy: "- and Amateurs." The Beak: "Goes without saying, Deputy. Goes without saying." The End.

Now that was funny, you will go far Last of the Inkers !

Thank you, Dreamtime. Humour is a strange thing, isn't it? We all seem to enjoy laughing, hence why television transmits endless repeats of successful sitcoms and girls, in surveys, place 'having a sense of humour' near the top of the list of the attributes they wish for in a boyfriend. Whereas at King Henrys in the Sixties, a gift for humour brought you nothing better than a smack around the head and a detention. Mind you, maybe the teachers thought that was quite funny!

Before I post the season finale, fans of 'Piggy And The Beak' might be interested to know that a range of merchandise will shortly be available. First off is 'The Beak Hymn Book'. With an attractive blue cover, it has been carefully designed to fit into either the front or inside pocket of your blazer. It is suitable for all types of assembly, or when you are out and about and feel the overwhelming urge to provide your family and friends with a rendition of 'To Be A Pilgrim'. Warning: Must be kept with you at all times. Then we have 'The Piggy Cane'. A flexible but robust item, it is ideal for thrashing weeds. Works equally as well in the garden, the countryside and the office. Finally, and top of the range, there is the 'Piggy And The Beak Celebratory Plate'. Not much to say about this, except that it is a smashing object.

I am trying to think of something really funny for a reply L of the I but you are the one with the gift. I like anyone with a good sense of humour but I don't think teachers appreciated 'smart alecs' in our days, whereas now, they put up with anything. Sorry to read it will soon be the season finale. Now I am wondering which would be the best bargain, the hymn book, the Piggy cane or the celebratory plate.

For some very odd reason that brought back memories of some wag burning incense (I think) on the school bible. Both Piggy and The Beak were most upset.

bohica, Not only were Piggy and The Beak most upset - they were incensed. (I'm sure you let me have that one!)

This is the last 'Piggy And The Beak Show' for the time being. I hope it entertains without causing upset or incense! In which Piggy and The Beak Become Space Oddities. Piggy and The Beak are convening in the Beak's office after the Summer Holiday of 1969. The Beak: "So tell me, Deputy, did you stay up to witness the American astronauts walking on the Moon?" Piggy: "As far as I was concerned, Headmaster, it was a non-starter from the off. With my eyesight as it is, I can barely even make out the Moon, never mind see spacemen on its surface. However, I did follow proceedings on my trusty Marconi Radiogram." The Beak: "And what were your impressions?" Piggy: "I was very disappointed with the whole affair." The Beak: "Why so?" Piggy: "Because they made it there and back all according to plan. Where was the drama and tension? I suspect I'm not alone in saying that I certainly won't be following any more Apollo missions. After something has been done once, it becomes a piece of cake from there on in." The Beak: "Come, come, Deputy. Surely it was tremendously gripping when they announced that 'The Eagle Has Landed'?" Piggy: "Purely of ornithological interest, Headmaster. One for the Twitchers' Brigade." The Beak: "But it was a seminal moment of accomplishment in human history, Deputy." Piggy: "And the best that they could bring back as a memento was some rock. A similar thing could have be done on a day trip to Blackpool." The Beak: "I'm now thinking that radio really wasn't the best choice of media for you to fully comprehend this one, Deputy." Piggy: "And how is Ernie Shaw holding up after the event?" The Beak: "Naturally, he's devastated that no angels were found up there, but he'll get through it." Piggy: "He was a shade too confident with that prediction, if you don't mind me saying so, Headmaster." The Beak: "Well, it wasn't as bad as his prophecy that the world would end within seven days of Wilson becoming PM, but he is certainly nought for two on 'The Big Ones'. However, on this occasion, he does have the consolation of knowing that the Americans have yet to visit the dark side." Piggy: "Well, that's a matter of opinion, Headmaster." The Beak: "Now, now, Deputy. 'Special relationship' and all that." Piggy: "Sorry, Headmaster. I just feel that they are a bit too cocksure of themselves at the moment. I mean, in terms of status symbols, we've got a Royal Family and they haven't - but you don't hear us going on about it. Barely even gets a mention in our newspapers." The Beak: "That's because - as I say to everyone - we are by far the best in the world at not blowing our own trumpet. It was how the British once built an Empire that spanned the globe - an Empire on which the Sun never set." Piggy: "Well, that has gone forever - and now there is a Stars and Stripes on the Moon." The Beak: "That's entirely understandable, Deputy. These were Americans who were risking their lives in the attempt." Piggy: "That didn't stop us from convincing a Nepalese and a New Zealander to climb to the top of Everest and plant a Union Jack." The Beak: "It grieves me mightily to say this, Deputy, but I find myself on a similar wavelength to you. It must be the first time since 1964, when we agreed that young females could only be screaming hysterically during Beatles' concerts because the music was lacerating their eardrums." Piggy: "Then I have a suggestion, Headmaster." The Beak: "Before you begin, let me just meditate upon the colour of this particular nugget. Well, I'm not getting 'gold' - - -" Piggy: "May I propose that, in order to restore a modicum of national pride, the school begins a mission to become the first to land a spacecraft on Mars." The Beak: "Take full note of my head repeatedly hitting this table whilst you continue, Deputy." Piggy: "We have the boffins here, Headmaster. Crocker, Wylie and the others. It will give them something to do during the holidays, instead of mooching about in the South of France." The Beak: "Not wishing to quash your Dan Dare enthusiasm for space exploration, Deputy, but won't we - at the very least - require a pad from which to launch the rockets?" Piggy: "I've already thought of that, Headmaster. Earlier this morning, Kolisch informed me that we have in our possession at least one hundred empty milk bottles. Good to go, I'd say." The Beak: "I'll repeat. Radio really and truly wasn't the best choice of media for you to fully comprehend this one, Deputy." The End.

Hello Dreamtime, I'm as sorry as you are that 'Piggy And The Beak' has come to an end. The network tells me that they need to take a good look at current viewing figures and advertising revenues before commissioning a second series. They asked about merchandising sales and I told them that I have a definite maybe on a hymn book, a cane or a plate. Hope that wasn't too presumptuous of me.

Hi Inkers, classic stuff again. Could I suggest a few more items of memorabilia if it all takes off. There is the Piggy Black Gown, complete with internal pockets to conceal canes, slippers, spare Brylcreem and a fireproof one for a crafty fag. Then there is the Ernie Shaw Combined Bible and Piano Music Compendium, to be sold as a part-work in 50 issues. Finally, a handy fold-out map of Maxie's Magic Garden. Now then, did Piggy have a spy network? We were convinced that he did, which is why our pranks were carried out in a deserted school before or after hours, away from prying eyes, and everything was on a need-to-know basis. The surest way of getting caught was to brag about your escapades as gossip soon got round and fell upon enemy ears. He had the prefects but everyone knew who they were, and he had a few favoured lads too, who were apparently involved in the behind-the-scenes side of the drama productions where Piggy was in charge of set design. They were reckoned to be his eyes and ears so were given a wide berth.